Snoop Dog and boundaries…How to say no

snoop dog boundariesLast week I was invited to a Snoop Dog (or is it Snoop Lion??) concert by a good friend of mine. Now, I LOVE rap music. I especially love me some Snoop Dog. And I love my friend even more.

Anyway, my gal pal had bought the tickets previously and her original date had bailed so she asked me to go with her. My initial reaction was “heck yeah I’ll go”. I knew she could use the company and it’s not like Snoop Dog is literally in your backyard every day, so why not?

Maybe you’ve done that too. You get asked to do something and you commit too quickly without giving it much thought. In other words, you don’t want to say no, but also saying “yes” means that you could’ve opted to do something that you weren’t entirely interested in doing.

I hardly do this anymore, but I didn’t want to let her down, so here I was. Committed to her but not being truthful with my desires.

Here’s the thing. Although I love Snoop D-O-double G, my introverted quiet girls gets anxious at the thought. Not only that, I’m not a fan of crazy packed crowds or staying up past a certain hour when I have to work with clients the next day.

So in other words, I was saying “yes” to something that I really wanted to say “no” to.

In the end I had to be truthful to myself. Nothing against her or Snoop but this girl just wasn’t digging the idea. I was honest with her, apologized and told her that I answered too quickly without really thinking and that it really wasn’t my thing. She understood and we moved on!

As I reflected on this situation, I realized that I used to be SOOO bad at saying no.  I have clients that I encourage often to say no to things, rather than to just keep loading things on their packed plates.

You will risk disappointing or offending others. Especially if you’ve been a “yes” girl your whole life. It takes some getting used to. That’s totally ok!

I want you to think about this. I want you to respect your desires and take yourself seriously.

What??

I know I always tell my clients in the studio to stop taking themselves too seriously and to have fun. This is completely different. Now, I want you to take YOU and your energy seriously. Protect your time without judging how you ultimately want to feel (less stressed, more energy).

When we say “yes” to something we are ultimately saying “no” to something else.

There is nothing wrong with saying no. Sometimes we spread ourselves way too thin in order to people-please when we end up feeling drained, resentful, frustrated and depleted.

However, when you decide to say no to something, I want you to use some discernment. Are you saying no out of fear of doing something new? Looking dumb or silly? Scared to step outside your comfort zone?brene brown boundaries

If that is the case, then there is nothing wrong with saying “let me take some time to think about that and I’ll get back to you”. So you can reflect on a deeper understanding of your desires.

I want you to hold yourself to a higher regard if you are asked to do something and your gut reaction or feel tells you that you don’t want to add more to your plate.

When you can be truthful with yourself and honest with others, you pave the way for others to do the same for themselves.

Take yourself and your desires seriously.

What (or who) do you need to say no to today?

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